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Excerpts From Dr. Irmiter's Book

Be A Better Parent: GIVE YOUR KID A C.A.R.

Okay, you decided to pick up this book and figure out why someone would advocate giving a kid a C.A.R. as a solution to parenting difficulties. Certainly, you suspect that C, A, and R represent something other than a vehicle. It simply means giving your child a Choice in his or her behavior, holding him or her Accountable for their actions, and encouraging Responsibility in everything he or she does. When these objectives are met, the majority of parenting challenges can be addressed in a positive and effective manner.

I am a sports fanatic but have very limited athletic skills. I love to participate in many different sports, and have spent over fifteen years coaching youth. Given my absence of raw athletic skill, I have had to approach each sport in a very methodical and deliberate manner. I have diligently focused on the fundamentals of any sport I pursued. Through my years as a coach, I learned I had a knack for breaking down and teaching the proper steps for making a lay-up in basketball, the specific mechanics of throwing a baseball, or dissecting a swing in tennis. Additionally, I discovered that I could do the same thing with effective parenting. Thus, I consider myself to be a coach for parents. While discussing this book, a very dear friend offered a great line. She said, "Whether you are a rookie in the league or a ten year veteran, you need a coach. Even Michael Jordan has a coach."  She made a marvelous point and I hope my "coaching" is helpful to you. Just consider me, Dr. Kevin Irmiter, "The Parent Coach." ...

... In the absence of a manual when a new baby arrives, new mothers and fathers are likely to make numerous mistakes.  Furthermore, when mistakes are made, parents may not know exactly what they did wrong or why the action failed to obtain the desired results. This book is not expected to remedy all that ails society or our children, but it is offered as a tool that can guide an adult who is striving to raise a caring, respectful, and responsible child. ...

... I compiled what I consider to be "The Parent Coach's" ten best plays. Most are presented as analogies to aid the reader in understanding the essence of the concept. I hope each concept is helpful, is easily understood, and assists you in raising your children in a positive and healthy manner.

Play Number One (Chapter One)
Choice versus Force

I have repeated over and over again that there are two ways to parent your children. You can either parent by choice or you can parent by force. ...

The vast majority of parents that have problems with their teenagers, struggle in the parenting role because they parent by only using force. While this approach can work when your child is small, parenting by force is doomed to fail when puberty hits. Your child no longer accepts, "Because I said so!" as a rationale for complying with your parental requests. A simple clue that this stage has arrived could be when your child responds to, 'Because I said so!" with, "But, that's no reason!"  ...
 When Johnny was small you could simply drag him by his ear to his room and force him to hang up his coat. However, you know "your goose is cooked" when you grab Johnny's ear and he simply pulls away and glares at you. Your response might be something like "Oh boy! Now what do I do?" At this point, Johnny has clearly let you know that force will no longer work. Frustration and irritation are sure to be present, and you probably want to refer to your back up plan. ...

Play Number Eight (Chapter Eight)
Playing Poker:
When to Hold 'Em versus When to Fold 'Em

I am certain that you are wondering what the game of Poker has to do with parenting your children. Throughout the years that you will be responsible for your child, you will make numerous decisions about how to handle your son or daughter's actions. If you are able to decide "When to Hold 'Em" and "When to Fold 'Em" your job will be made easier. ...

Nearly every day as a parent will bring decisions that will have a significant impact on you, your child, and the status of the relationship between both of you. Try to recall the many battles you had with your parents -- now reflect on the conflicts that you believe were important, and those that you believe were based on your own parents' unreasonableness. Personally, I remember the long hair that was ushered into my life via the influence of The Beatles. I recall mini-skirts, black lights, drugs, hippies, girls going braless, bell-bottoms, and the platform shoes, that have recently made a return, all of which were bones of contention between parents and their children in the seventies. There were fights with my folks over the music I played too loudly or the chores I failed to complete. Each issue had to be addressed, and my parents had to decide how to resolve each problem as it arose. ... If you become an adept poker player with your child, then you will be more effective in deciding "When to Hold 'Em" and "When to Fold 'Em." Some battles with your children are simply not worth the emotional energy that you must expend if you wish to win. ...

Give Your Kid a C.A.R. is now available, use the buy now link below to purchase a copy. If you are interested in receiving Dr. Irmiter's newsletter click here.

Dr. Kevin Irmiter
The Parent Coach
Greer, SC
(864) 640-3125

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